Increase Confidence, Decrease Tolerations

Tolerations are things that we put up with every day that zap our energy. Most of the time we are not even fully aware of them, we adapt to them, but they still hold us back, create frustration, anxiety and have a negative impact on the quality of our lives. Identifying and handling tolerations is beneficial in that it frees up our energy to focus on what we want and builds self-esteem, as it is a step towards taking full responsibility for our selves.

Tolerations range in size and in the amount of effort they require to handle. When I first learned about tolerations in my coach training I walked around my apartment with a screwdriver and tightened all of the loose cabinet and door handles. Easy, and instantly gratifying. Then I tackled the messy, full of junk hall closet. After I cleaned and straightened it out, I opened the closet door every time I passed it for days and smiled. Some tolerations are more challenging, and require more time and energy. One of my more challenging tolerations was dealing with a friend who was always canceling plans at the last minute. A current client of mine has identified her living situation as a toleration. No matter what, handling a toleration feels really good and helps you to feel good about yourself.

The most effective way to start addressing tolerations is to write them down. Don’t consider whether they are small or big, seem possible or impossible to handle, just write them all down and add to the list as you encounter new ones. If you don’t acknowledge them, you will never address them.

Prioritize your list and choose a few to handle at a time. Make your list a mix of quicker and more demanding tolerations. Include a toleration that will resolve more then one toleration. For example, if you are not making enough money you could be unable to live where you want, keep your car in good repair, etc. Then include some that will give you a more instant feeling of accomplishment, like finally sewing on that button or returning that phone call.

Handle the source of the toleration, not just the toleration, or it will keep coming back. If you clean up your messy desk without creating a good filing system, you will soon have a messy desk again.

Be patient and kind to yourself, especially if you are going after some big tolerations. Hang in there by committing to having more energy and more confidence. You will improve the quality of your life and feel as though a weight has been lifted from you.

I’d love to hear about your tolerations and how you eliminate them. And of course, if you want to a coach to help you identify and eliminate your tolerations, don’t hesitate to contact me.