Just Say No

Do you feel that you are in charge of your time or does it feel like you can’t make the time for the things that you really want to do? The answer to this question impacts on how we feel about ourselves and how effective we are in managing our work and personal lives.

Please take a moment (find one!) to put your next most important, can’t miss it or change it, appointment in your mind and keep it there while I ask you a question:
If Barak Obama or Oprah Winfrey or Steve Jobs or Lady Gaga or the person you most want to meet in the world called you right now and told you that they wanted to chat with you at the same time as the appointment you’re thinking about, what would you do?
If George Clooney were on the phone now, I wouldn't be writing this, for sure!
With this in mind, consider to what degree you are in charge of your time.

There is no tool or system that will enable you to do too many activities in too little time. That is where our beautiful little word, no, which is by the way, also a complete sentence, becomes our best friend. Amazing, a 2-letter sentence!

What is so challenging about this word to many of us?
-We may have a strong need for approval. -Saying no can make us feel guilty.
-We might have a habit of accommodating others.
-We feel obligated to keep doing what we’ve done.
-We are aware that it is a potentially destructive word.
There is a big difference between being assertive and being aggressive. Aggression is typically associated with anger, hostility, possibly contempt, and an attack. Assertiveness is simple and direct, and a good assertive no is simple and short. Everyone is left standing!

Saying no is very good for your health and those around you. You are less stressed and can spend quality time on the things that you say yes to. To do a good job and take good care of others, you really do need to attend to yourself. Saying no can make you less grouchy, empowers you and others, and gives you the opportunity to try new things by saying no to old things.

Saying no can become your new habit, and with that you can learn to let go of guilt.
What are some strategies to make saying no easier?
1-Be assertive and support your assertive no with a firm voice and nonverbal cues, like eye contact and shaking your head.
2-Remember that no is an honorable response if it is authentic, as opposed to a dishonest yes that will make you feel resentful and drain your energy. So be honest.
3-Start your sentence (and maybe end your sentence) with the word no. This makes it easier to commit to no.
4-Value your time. Know how precious it is, you simply can’t do something because you’ve already allocated your valuable commodity.
5-Don’t apologize. Be firm about guarding your time.
6-Stop being nice. Be polite and even empathic, not nice.
7-Pre-empt. In some situations you can start a conversation or a business meeting by letting others know you are full up, don’t have time for anything new.
8-Say I’ll get back to you or maybe later. Maybe you need to think about taking something on, or it is something you want to do when you have the time. You can say no and leave your options open.
9-Let them down gently. Anyone ever reject a date? It’s a strategy that is good for people and for projects. It’s the old, it’s not a good fit, it’s not the right time for me, and this is certainly effective and sincere.

Practice, practice, practice. A homework assignment that I’ve given to some of my coaching clients has been to say no at least 5 times a day for a week and track it. So, get out there today and start saying no!