Listen With Confidence

I was recently at a business council event. There was a person there who could not stop talking. Anything that anyone said to him got a long-winded canned response about his business. I noticed people avoiding eye contact with him in the hope of not being engaged by him. He struck me as being very unsure of himself and needing to gain confidence and learn some listening skills.

Most, if not all, of us have been involved in a meeting or conversation where people aren’t really listening to each other. The participants are just waiting their turn to speak, and what they have to say is not about what was previously said. They just want to shine a light upon themselves. These are not people whom inspire you to do business or spend time with them.

People who have high self-esteem are better listeners, which lead to better personal and business relationships. They are not focused on what others will think of them and how to impress them. They are focused on what is actually going on, and able to be more spontaneous. If there is an agenda, such as at a meeting or networking event, they are more able to comfortably work that into a natural flow of conversation.

How will someone to whom you have asked good questions about themselves and then responded by demonstrating that you really listened to the answers remember you? People want to be heard and recognized, they want to have their uniqueness perceived and acknowledged. When you provide this for someone in a conversation or meeting, you present yourself as a confident, attractive person; someone with whom people want to do business and spend time.

You come across as confident because you are not concerned about stepping out of the limelight, you don’t need to do all the talking. In a business situation, listening will also give you the competitive edge, as you will learn things about your potential customer and their service needs and they will remember you for how well you treated them.


Here are some tips for being a good listener:
•Give you full attention to the person who is speaking. Don’t wonder why the people over at the other end of the room are laughing or if the clouds outside the window mean it’s going to rain. If you feel that your attention is wandering, it helps to shift your body position.
•Do your best to not interrupt. Even if you are listening, it can feel like you are not when you interrupt. Let the speaker finish.
•Make sure that you have fully finished listening before you speak. Know what it is that you want to say.
•Listen for the important idea or ideas. Pay attention to words that stand out, things that are repeated or sentences that contain phrases like, my point is, or what I really want to say.
•Remember to ask those really good questions. Care enough about what is being said so that you want to understand and know more about what is important to the speaker.
•Give feedback that indicates that you are listening. Your body and face say as much as your mouth! Look at the speaker, nod, smile when appropriate, say uh, uh, laugh, etc.

A great listening exercise is to get a friend and ask them to talk to you for 5 minutes without you saying a word. You can gain experience in active listening, learn what is challenging to you about listening, and get feedback from your friend about how you did.

Listen with confidence and you will grow your business and social network while having a great time!