Self-Acceptance

Self-acceptance is being real about ourselves. It enables us to hear critical feedback or different ideas without becoming hostile or adversarial. Self-acceptance is not something we think, it's something we do. You don't have to like everything about yourself in order to accept who you are. If we can't accept something about ourselves, we cannot make changes, because we can't change something that we deny exists. Paradoxically, self-acceptance is necessary to make changes, but not about changing ourselves.

Ultimately, liking ourselves more has mostly to do with self-acceptance. And it's only when we stop judging ourselves that we can have a more positive sense of who we are and increase our self-esteem.

What we need for self-acceptance is the conviction that we are always doing the best we can. We are who we are, with whatever strengths and weaknesses we possess in the moment. Self-acceptance is unconditional. We don't ignore or deny our weaknesses, we just see them as not relevant to our basic acceptability. Personal flaws or shortcomings don't need to get in our way. Certainly, we can decide to do better in the future, but we can nonetheless accept ourselves exactly as we are today.

Self-acceptance doesn't mean that we won't want to change things about ourselves. It's just that our self-acceptance is not dependent on changes that we make. We don't have to do anything to secure our self-acceptance: we have only to change the way we view ourselves. So altering our behaviors becomes a matter of personal preference, not a prerequisite for greater self-regard.

Here are some ways that we can support self-acceptance in others as well as ourselves:

* Be present when speaking with someone, give them the experience of being heard and accepted
* Maintain a tone of respect
* Describe undesirable behavior without blaming
* Speak honestly about your feelings
* Develop a toleration for mistakes
* Reward success and ignore failure as much as possible


Apply these same attitudes and behaviors to yourself. Cultivate self-acceptance. It's something that operates for us on so many levels, and informs our behavior, thoughts and feelings every day.

"A man cannot be comfortable without his own approval."
Mark Twain
"Once we accept our limits, we go beyond them."
Albert Einstein