Self-Assertiveness Part III

An essential element of lasting intimate relationships is self-assertiveness, knowing and being known. The temptation to conceal our true selves is often strongest in our relationships with those that we care about the most. In my experience giving into this temptation is a huge contributing factor to unhappy marriages and divorces. The energy consumed by tamping down parts of ourselves wears us down, and creates unhappiness and distance from our partner. We are afraid that revealing parts of ourselves that our partner will not like will end the relationship. In fact, even your mom doesn't like every single thing about you, but I hope she still loves you. For a relationship to survive over the long run, you have to be your authentic self, warts and all. It is also a big hit to your self-esteem to only have the "acceptable" parts of yourself known. Feeling good about yourself requires that your life belongs to you and that you are not basing your behavior on someone else's expectations.