Living Purposefully

Living purposefully is to use our power to attain goals that we have selected. It means that we are not leaving our lives to chance, or hopes and wishes. We decide what we want, identify what we need to get there, and maintain an awareness that our actions are moving us towards achieving what we want. It is one of Nathaniel Branden's pillars of self-esteem because taking actions towards our goals builds our self-esteem. Purposeful action, in fact, is what builds self-esteem rather then the actual achievement of our goals.

Sounds so easy! And it would be if we were robots. Luckily we're people, and we have feelings so we experience all kinds of wonderful things like happiness, and love. But, in order to feel wonderful, we have to be open to feeling sad and angry, things that we would rather avoid. It's the way we're made, if we don't allow ourselves to fully experience unpleasant feelings, we don't fully experience the great stuff.

It's not possible to live purposefully without being conscious of how we are feeling and accepting it. In order to focus on our goals and choose actions that are purposeful, we need to know how we are feeling so that we can decide if we will act on what we feel.

There are over 10,000 taxi cabs in New York. If the number of pissed off taxi drivers, other drivers, passengers and pedestrians who got angry back at them acted on their anger, there would be a mind boggling number of injured and dead people on the streets of New York! We can choose to not act how we feel. We do this every day. How many days do you wake up and feel like going back to sleep? Did you get up or roll over? Just think back over the last few days and you will realize how many things you did that you didn't feel like doing to achieve a greater goal. If you were able to act in a way that you felt was purposeful, you were acting in a way that enhanced your self-esteem.

There is a 3 step process that you can use to make your behavior more purposeful. If you discover that some of your actions are expressions of low self-esteem, this is a process that will also eventually change those feelings and increase your self-esteem.

The first step is giving yourself permission to be human. Allow yourself, without judgment to experience whatever it is you are feeling. Respect your inner reality. Anything you feel is fine, it's just a feeling.

The second step is to find the benefit. Not so easy if it's disappointment, sadness or anger. But the benefit is there, and you can find it if you've allowed yourself the full experience of it.

The third step is gaining perspective. Now that you can change your perspective, you can have a clear head to determine the best course of action.

One of my clients gave me a great example of how this worked for her. She realized that she habitually rejected compliments. They made her uncomfortable. She gave herself permission to be human and experienced that she felt unworthy. The benefit was the awareness, and the change in her perspective was that she was worthy. She has stopped rejecting compliments, and feels better about herself.

Sometimes this process isn't linear and it can take varying amounts of time. But it works. You don't have to do what you feel and you can enjoy the journey on the way to achieving your goals.