Change and Confidence

"If we don't change, we don't grow. If we don't grow, we aren't really living."
Gail Sheehy

In the remarkable book, Light in August by William Faulkner, one of the characters is a man who has been repeatedly abused and isolated, yet does not leave town. Here is how Faulkner explains it: "A fellow is more afraid of the trouble he might have then he ever is of the trouble he already got. He'll cling to trouble he's used to before he'll risk a change."

It is more usual then not to resist change, running the gamut from the experience of Faulkner's character to staying in unsatisfying relationships and work to avoiding new experiences.

All behavior, including response to change, is a reflection of self-esteem. Resistance to change and fear of the unknown characterizes low self-esteem. High self-esteem correlates with comfort in managing change.

Sometimes we get some lead-time to deal with change, sometimes change is rapidly thrust upon us. I thought about his when I had the privilege of presenting one of the awards at the Honors Assembly at Helen Hayes Hospital, a rehabilitation facility in West Haverstraw, New York.

Award ceremonies are often dull (even the lavishly produced Oscars!) and I wasn't looking forward to two hours of presentations. Contrary to my expectation, I was riveted for the entire event. The honorees were people who had experienced severe physical injury, had worked hard and made incredible progress: a father of young children who was rendered helpless after being hit by falling tree branch is now a person using a wheel chair and functioning independently, a nurse who woke up one morning paralyzed from the waist down is now walking and back to work, a man who suffered multiple fractures, burns over 13% of his body, and lost several fingers, came to the event the day after hiking up a mountain, a young man who lost both legs in an accident is now walking. These are dramatic examples of how change can be suddenly foisted upon us. The honorees were a diverse group of people who reflected in their acceptance speeches that they had one thing in common. They were optimistic and grateful, key characteristics of those with high self-esteem.

What happens when you live life avoiding change? You end up like Faulkner's character, and unlike the Helen Hayes honorees. You live a life in which you close yourself to new experiences and ideas and fight anyone who encroaches upon the status quo. You feel insecure all the time because that is the price of not being open to change. You are literally paralyzed by change.

In addition to the optimism and gratitude expressed by the Helen Hayes honorees, there are other elements of self-esteem that you can cultivate to successfully respond to change.

Any change is a challenge to your confidence and your resourcefulness. As stated, resistance to change is normal. In fact, resistance to change is healthy. Resistance guards against instability, so the first step to effectively respond to change is to respect and embrace your resistance to change. Allow yourself to freely think about how you might undermine it and the negative aspects of the change you are resisting. This process alone builds your confidence and clears the way for you to more easily make the change.

The next step to build your confidence and effectively deal with change is to frame the challenge as an opportunity. Change is our biggest opportunity for personal and professional growth. This perspective enables you to experience your personal power and enhances your feelings of self worth resulting in the confidence needed to successfully cope with change.

So cultivate optimism and gratitude, respect and embrace your resistance to change, and frame change as a gift for opportunity, for that is what change is if we cultivate the confidence we need to allow it to be so.