Are You A Perfectionist? Part1

I've come across some really interesting examples of perfectionism. There is something called holiday perfectionism. The holiday perfectionist has to hand-make every gift, write a two page holiday card for a list of 200 people, slaves over a holiday meal they can't enjoy, and just does so many things there's no way to have fun. The pressure of perfectionism robs the possibility of joy. This is along the lines of the Martha Stewart perfectionist, believing that you can do what she does without a team of gardeners, cooks, chefs and artists. Who amongst us mere mortals can spend the time putting all of the spices in beautifully labeled uniform jars? My favorite is painting the grass, if your grass is not green enough you can paint it to get a perfect color, and then you can get it perfectly even by using scissors to cut the lawn! (After I wrote this there was a front-page article in the New York Times about the booming business of spray-painting grass in Arizona).

Like all personality traits, perfectionism is on a continuum. When it comes to perfectionism, the more we have the more it costs us. Perfectionism is characterized by the belief that no effort is good enough, the fear of making mistakes and being humiliated, never having enough time to be your best, and being intolerant of mistakes in others.

Perfectionists are usually not aware that they are perfectionists. They believe that failure is a reflection of lack of personal worth, a mistake is a miserable unredeemable failure, they will be rejected for mistakes and that rules are steadfast and life is based on series of shoulds. So, they're not perfectionists, they're just unworthy, doing what they SHOULD be doing and they are caught in an endless cycle of perfectionism and low self-esteem. Try as they might, they are never satisfied with themselves or their own performance, blame themselves for their own shortcomings, they can never reach their own unrealistic standards for themselves. This also interferes with relationships, as others either don't measure up or will reject you once they catch on to the fact that you are not perfect.