Think Confident

“Men harm others by their deeds and themselves by their thoughts.”

There continues to be lots of talk about the dramatic changes in our economic landscape. It's almost a cliché at this point, but it is a fact that a time of dramatic change is a time of extraordinary opportunity. It's amazing how many people are reinventing their lives. I believe that many of us are choosing to spend our time in activity that aligns more closely with our values, with what we really want to do.

Our most valuable possessions are those things that we can never lose, what we carry in the core of our being and in our hearts. And we have quite an edge in taking advantage of opportunity if we have deep down confidence at our core.

In the past I have written about the ways that taking action outside of our comfort zone builds confidence. This column is about building confidence from the inside out. Both are essential to what we need for that deep down, unshakable confidence that is the key to success in every area of life.

There are several elements to confidence from the inside out. It starts with the choice to be confident. When we decide to be confident we eliminate the option on not being confident. After we make that choice, we need to support that choice with our behavior and thoughts.

Have you ever really paid close attention to what is going on inside of your head? You are talking to yourself in there a lot, and some of what you are saying might not be helping you to grow your self-esteem. In fact, there is usually no greater criticism than that which we give ourselves.

Pete Cohen, a British motivational speaker, talks about our self-talk as represented by a duck. He recommends that we respond to our stream of negative self talk with "shut the duck up". It is funny, and a good point. An important way to build lasting deep down confidence is to hear what you are saying to yourself, and when you are saying negative things about yourself, respond to yourself by saying it's not true. Substitute positive statements so that saying positive things about yourself will become your new self-talk. Make this a conscious effort, and have patience. You've had literally thousands of negative thoughts and attitudes about yourself; it takes time for the new ones to take hold.

Some posit that this is it, all you need is to change the voice in your head, and you will be confident. I don't think so, although it would be quite nice if this were it. I believe that you also need to redirect your attention. The more in the moment we are, and the more we maintain an attitude of gratitude, the more confident we feel.

Here are some other things to do that support the choice of confident self-talk:
•surround yourself with positive people
•don't accept negative things that you hear from others
•eliminate the words should, could, and might
•think for yourself
•use your initiative

The more you practice, the more positive your self-talk will become and the more you will feel and act with greater confidence.